george carlin quotes government

They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience." - George Carlin 2. Couldnt you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? init: function() { The less said about it the better. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reasonGeorge Carlin, They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Here we are sharing a collection of George Carlin quotes on religion, government, and life for you to think deeply about the things you have never done before. I look at war a little. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. George Carlin, 45. If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Beneath George Carlins biting sarcasm and razor-sharp wit lay a heartfelt indignation at the injustices he observed in the world around him. a[a9]._Q.push([c, r]) } Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, You show me a lazy prick whos lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to piss, and Ill show you a guy whos not causing any trouble. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, I have lots of ideas. All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another. George Carlin, 69. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. George Carlin, 33. if (a[a9]) return; . I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, 44. They all said: Try to live together peacefully. BAM! To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. George Carlin Government Quotes "Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes." George Carlin "Religion is just mind control. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.George Carlin,When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? Quote by George Carlin - SComedy If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? 11 Profound Quotes on Politics by George Carlin If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. If the parent corporation doesnt want you to know something, it wont be on the news. "Events.Namespace": "csa", In this blog post, well take a look at some of his best quotes on the subject. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. "https:" : "http:") + George Carlin. They've long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. "Men are from Earth,. If I can be of any help to you on your journey I'll do my best. He's the subject of a new documentary. }, They'll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this f**kin' place. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, 28. Cause pretty soon they have little hats. There is a mistake in the text of this quote. Looking for the best George Carlin quotes? Were so self-important. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle-class and lower-class men off to die. George Carlin, 78. " Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. The table is tilted, folks. The planet is fine. You dont. Men are often so foolish as to boast and value themselves upon their passions, even those that are most vicious. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but I'll tell you what they don't want: They don't want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. George Carlin, 29. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Thats the problem.George Carlin, Let a smile be your umbrella, and youll end up with a face full of rain. function(a9, a, p, s, t, A, g) { Vicious Quotes Page 5. . Famous Quotes by George Carlin about Politics Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images By Daniel Kurtzman Updated on 06/20/18 "In America, anyone can become president. Its totally FREE. The planet is fine. If the parent corporation doesn't want you to know something, it won't be on the news. The reason I talk to myself is that Im the only one whose answers I accept.George Carlin. A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed. George Carlin George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American comedian, social critic, actor, and author Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, George Carlin (2002). try { By the way, it's the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. Its a great feeling. Thats the only thing keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. George Carlin, 57. Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a f**k about them. The challenge is to find it. You work forty years until youre young enough to enjoy your retirement. Its all very confusing.George Carlin, People are wonderful. Enjoy! Everybodys going to save something now. If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. George Carlin, 47. I have certain rules I live by. var useSSL = "https:" == document.location.protocol; And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.George Carlin,When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops? A Death! Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("resource", "author_22782"); "Application": "GoodreadsMonolith", Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit. there's no such thing as rights. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. George Carlin Quotes Government. QuotesGram Died: June 22, 2008 (aged 71) George Carlin Quotes . Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. I love individuals. 4. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. George Carlin, 34. Quotes. The 531+ Vicious Quotes Page 5 - QUOTLR I just dont have as many people who believe it.George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelet?George Carlin. The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, 15. Hes not a cheese. var e = document.createElement("script"); e.src = "https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/41mrkPcyPwL.js"; document.head.appendChild(e); (function() { Just daydreaming. His insights on the world of politics were always keen and often quite funny. This video is an ideal way to start your day off on a funny and thought provoking note and stay inspired through. var node = document.getElementsByTagName("script")[0]; Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. They should be more vivid. 14 George Carlin Quotes on Education, Kids & Parents - Fatherly setDisplayBids: function() {}, Weve added years to life, not life to years. George Carlin, Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readteach them to question everything that they readteach them to question everything. George Carlin, Weve added years to life, not life to years. George Carlin, Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. And I didnt really care in the first place.George Carlin, Dont confuse me with those who cling to hope. if (window.csa) { If you enjoyed the following article we humbly ask you to comment, and help us spread the word! God has a three-day weekend.George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. 3140. The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. Religion is like a pair of shoesFind one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. Best Quotes & Jokes by George Carlin | SComedy After all, he was one of the most successful comedians of all time! He was also known for his outspoken views on government and politics. "Events.SushiEndpoint": "https://unagi.amazon.com/1/events/com.amazon.csm.csa.prod", Life is a zero sum game. George Carlin, 36. //]]> Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. (?) Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. Share your thoughts in the comments below! Below youll find the best collection of George Carlin quotes. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, 41. We all need to let loose and laugh at things once in a while and making other people laugh as well as think and find meaning behind your jokes is an exceptional talent George Carlin has. googletag.pubads().disableInitialLoad(); Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it." ~ (George Carlin). fetchBids: function() { He Was Fatally Beaten by Memphis Police Now People Around the World Are Sharing #SunsetsForTyre in His Honor, 41 Daughter Quotes That Will Touch and Melt Your Heart, 20 Most Inspiring Martin Luther King Jr. The people are fucked! George Carlin, 80. The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election. George Carlin, 66. Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. } We havent tried that for a while. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. "Forget the politicians. George Carlin - Quotes, Death & 7 Words - Biography He made us notice the things we never did before in the form of his humor and this world will forever be grateful for this brilliant mind. function getCookieWithoutJQuery(name) { George Carlin quotes on the American government In America, anyone can become president. And armbands. Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? Laugh often, long and loud. var gptAdSlots = gptAdSlots || []; [CDATA[ And apparently Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.George Carlin, Im completely in favor of theseparation of Church and State. These two institutions screw us up enoughon their own, so both of them together iscertain death.George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.George Carlin, If your kid needs a role model and you aint it, youre both fucked. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Its important in life if you dont give a shit. The Grammy-Award-winning star of 14 stand-up comedy specials on HBO, George Carlin was widely considered one of Americans most influential comedians. It will not be with jack-boots. What if I want to have a crappy day?George Carlin, Not only do I not know whats going on, I wouldnt know what to do about it if I did.George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.George Carlin, So, have a little fun. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin, 4. "George Carlin confronts reality". Well, we know what they want. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm.George Carlin, Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.George Carlin, I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. They own you. A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality and its not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. George Carlin, 68. The only country that could invade America is America! Whether we agreed with his acerbiccommentary or not, his words always reminded us of how sharp a weapon humor can be in slicing through the surface of our assumptions and leaving us, as he would say, gasping for breath.. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin. When you are born, you get a ticket to the freak show. War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. Property is theft. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote. Comedian The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. I think people should be allowed to do what they want. Everything He ever makesdies.George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.George Carlin, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.George Carlin, There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. The challenge is to find it.George Carlin, I put a dollar in a change machine. My first rule, I dont believe anything the government tells me And I dont take very seriously the media or the press in this country. George Carlin, 82. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control peoples language with strict codes and rigid rules. George Carlin, 60. window.csa("Config", { Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? Your dog thinks you're a god. George Carlin was an outspoken comic, known for his brash sense of humor, foul language and controversial views on politics, religion and other sensitive subjects. Witty George Carlin Quotes 1. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. I enjoy describing how things are, I have no interest in how they ought to be. And I certainly have no interest in fixing them. Top George Carlin Quotes on Government, Marriage, Love, Life, Religion Maybe this time itll work. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying, lobbying, to get what they want. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readTeach them to question what they read.Teach them to question everything.George Carlin, How can He be perfect? return null; When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading, traveling, producing house music, and capturing light with his camera. But once youre born, youre on your own. George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote (?) Tax them. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, 10. If youre born in America you get a front row seat.George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things.George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.George Carlin,Napalm & Silly Putty. Laugh often, long and loud. var isRetina = window.devicePixelRatio >= 2; // retina display var cookies = document.cookie.split('; '); You have owners. The owners of this country know the truth: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. Weve added years to life, not life to years. If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air. George Carlin, 54. We made 'em up. pubID: '3211', adServer: 'googletag', bidTimeout: 4e3, params: { aps_privacy: '1YN' } And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?George Carlin, I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, 13. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.George Carlin,Brain Droppings, THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: Please stop sucking my dick or Ill call the police. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why?Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that.George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat.George Carlin. On The Simple Solution To Parenthood's Most Difficult Question "Parents are burning these kids out on structure. Trouble is, most of them suck. Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. var cookiePair = cookie.split('='); I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. if (isRetina) { I sincerely believe that if you think theres a solution, youre part of the problem. Thats the problem. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past.George Carlin, Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now its trying to save its body. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten.George Carlin, Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town.George Carlin, And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. var ue_sid = "334-5362882-2183381"; Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. George Carlin died on June 22, 2008, from cardiac failure at the age of 71. You know why? The less said about it the better. George Carlin, 38. "https://":"http://";i+=f?g:k;i+=j;i+=h;c(i)}if(!e.ue_inline){if(a.loadUEFull){a.loadUEFull()}else{b()}}a.uels=c;e.ue=a})(window,document); Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. #government. Theres no present. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Feel free to reach out and connect. The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. I love individuals. The upper class: keeps all of the money, pays none of the taxes. Im completely in favour of the separation of Church and State. Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck. George Carlin, 52. Quotes, 60 Confidence Quotes to Help You Understand Your Self-Worth, Chris Evans Inspiring Quotes on Happiness, Success, and Being Laser Focused on Love, Strangers Spring Into Action to Save a Driver in Crisis on a Busy Road [VIDEO], 8-Year-Old Finds Out His Favorite Waffle House Waiter Is Hiding a Secret Doesnt Hesitate to Raise $64,000 for Him, White Woman Refuses to Listen to Dad After He Forbid Her From Marrying a Black Man 60 Years Later, Theyre Still Together, Kansas City Chiefs Fans Donate Over $300,000 to Buffalo Childrens Hospital After Dramatic Playoff Win Versus Rivals. Press Enter / Return to begin your search. But did you ever notice that we have no war on homelessness? George Carlin, A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.George Carlin, Theres no present. What do you say? I hate a group of people with a common purpose. Interview with Todd Leopold, edition.cnn.com. Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if youre really looking.George Carlin, Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die,your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. Disgusting that people still make that argument that we can never cut defense but we can cut education. g.parentNode.insertBefore(A, g) Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up. George Carlin, 64. The planet is fine. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe. googletag.pubads().collapseEmptyDivs(true); If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. If you can find a solution to homelessness where the corporations and politicians can make a few million dollars each, you will see the streets of America begin to clear up pretty damn quick! George Carlin, 67. A comedian can say things that you may not want to hear but need to. "ObfuscatedMarketplaceId": "A1PQBFHBHS6YH1" The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, 46. "Never argue with an idiot. Did you ever stop to think about all the people we kill? var ue_furl = "fls-na.amazon.com"; George Carlin, The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. He was the second onComedy Centrals list of top 10 American comedians in 2004, posthumously awarded theMark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, and ranked second in number on the list of the 50 best stand-up comedians of all time by Rolling Stonemagazine in 2017. Theres no present. We dont even know how to take care of ourselves; we havent learned how to care for one another. It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, 65. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get firedand get paid just enough not to quit. George Carlin, Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. George Carlin, If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin, Theres no present. [CDATA[ Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin, 22. I think the life cycle is all backwards. George Carlin quotes government sayings, in particular, are thought-provoking. Im sure it made the work seem that much more urgent. George Carlin, 27. 21 George Carlin Quotes On Government And Politics if (sourcesToHideBuyFeatures[i] == source) We think in language. In this blog post, well take a look at some of Carlins most famous quotes on government. They own, and control the corporations. If you can connect with theseGeorge Carlin quotes, subscribe to our blog so that you dont miss a single post. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin profile quotes. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. George Carlin, 16. Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. Im not sure thats the way to fight discrimination. They own everything. ' George Carlin, 56. Did you ever stop to thnk about all the people we kill? Religion class was always an easy class. Manage Settings Im talking about the real owners now the real owners. Because he was a genius, and here are 11 quotes that prove it: 1. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. gads.type = "text/javascript"; } Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. //]]> Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, 26. Then you live in an old age home. He was born May 12, 1937, in New York City into an Irish Catholic family, but he rejected the faith. 2023 Inspirationfeed. George Carlin Quote On Critical Thinking | by Ruth | Medium Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. 125 Best George Carlin QuotesFunny George Carlin Quotes on Life We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. George Carlin, 79. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("sid", "osid.b75ee1b4ab41ae6cecc3e4c769a5b3df"); We have the war on crime, the war on cancer, the war on drugs. To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesnt need guidance from. George Carlin, 61. " George Carlin Quotes I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote - Goodreads They own all the important land. " George Carlin 14. 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